Love Means Looking Into Yourself

I once had a conversation with a woman on finding love which frequently comes to mind when I see other people struggling in their relationships, whether those struggles are big or small.  This woman just couldn't seem to find a man to take her as she was, and she felt that she shouldn't have to change for anyone.  "They should love me for me," she stated, very matter-of-factly.  I realize in today's society this is becoming a common relationship theme.  It is easier to tell yourself that every part of you is good enough to love than it is to look deep into yourself and change the possible areas that you could improve upon.  I am not saying you should go about changing every part of yourself in order to find someone to love you, but rather, you should willingly decide to change for someone who does love you.

I told the woman that no man who deeply loves her should ask her to change, but she should have the desire to change for him, without needing to be asked.  If you love someone, nagging them to change will almost always have the opposite effect.  You cannot control others, including your spouse.  You can only control your own actions.  So if you are struggling in your current relationship, perhaps it is time to look at yourself.  No, things aren't entirely your fault.  But you can only improve things in your life if you change yourself.

My mother always says of anyone who seems to dislike you, "kill 'em with kindness."  This philosophy works very well in your marriage too.  If you smother your husband in unconditional love, whether he leaves the toilet seat up, scratches where he shouldn't in public, or forgets to say "happy anniversary" on the anniversary of your first kiss, you'll soon see improvements in your marriage.  If you change for him, he will recognize your honest efforts to serve him and love him as best as you know how, and in turn, he will respond in kind.  How many times do you find yourself complaining that he never gets you anything, tells you how much he loves you, or compliments what you are wearing?  Stop for a moment and recall when the last time was that you did those things for him.  Perhaps it just isn't in the culture of your relationship and a change on your part is exactly what's needed to get that ball rolling.  It may not change overnight, but patience is the key to making any new venture a success.  And remember, this only works if you genuinely want to change yourself, not trick him into changing for you.

If you are struggling with how to show your husband how much he means to you, I strongly recommend Stephen and Alex Kendrick's The Love Dare.  This can be done individually for your spouse, or together as a couple.  It is meant for relationships that just need some sprucing up or relationships that are in serious trouble.

Even if you and your husband are both madly, passionately, and happily in love, it never hurts to take a deep look at your relationship and make it even stronger.  Remember, nothing is ever perfect or complete.  There is always room for improvement.  And your husband will certainly appreciate the extra energy you are putting towards him.  Love is ever growing, so help it along with the fertilizer of unconditional love.