Being Judged: A Sign You Are Now a Parent

Every parent has faced judgment.  I am sure several instances just entered your mind, probably followed by anger, confusion, or insecurities.  Parenting is an elite club, and with all elite clubs come standards, preconceived notions, and fears of not living up to either.  We can never hide from the judgments of others, but what we can do is learn how to respond to them.

I went to a small Catholic university where judgments were passed as often as stuffing at a Thanksgiving dinner.  You couldn't walk from your dorm room to the cafeteria without judgments by many being passed on your clothing, attitude or place in eternal salvation.  Over time, the judgments would start to wear on many students to the point that several would switch universities, some would resort to a hermit-type lifestyle, and others would grow bitter, angry, and rebellious.  I fell into the last category.  I handled judgments poorly and decided to live up to them, ultimately bringing out the worst in myself.  The judgments continued and, in the end, I had allowed others to control my actions, I lost who I was, and I became unhappy.  I finally joined the first group and changed universities where I discovered who I really was, became secure in my faith and myself, and achieved happiness in my life.

Through my two short years at that college, I learned a lot on dealing with the judgments of others.  It is knowledge I now funnel directly into my parenting style.  From the second your belly growth starts to show, people have advice, pearls of wisdom, and even some preliminary critiques that they feel they must share with you.  Once the baby is born, it multiplies by a thousand.  As a new mother, judgments on top of insecurities can lead to your downfall.

So how do we deal with those people who feel it is their place to tell you what is on their mind?  The same way I dealt with the condemnations of my fellow schoolmates.  I left the situation and remembered who I was.

When someone critiques your parenting style, take a step out of the situation, whether it is leaving the restaurant, going in the next room, or taking a brief vacation, and think about you.  Think about why you parent the way you parent.  Remind yourself of your intentions and goals.  And remember that only you can see the big picture.  Only you know your child inside and out.

The next time your mother tells you to let your baby cry-it-out, or the woman in the store tells you to pop your child on the butt when they ask for candy, or the old man in the restaurant tells you to give your screaming child some Vicodin (seriously, this one really happened to me), remind yourself that your child is unique and your parenting style is unique for your child.

Every child is different.  Every parent is different.  Every person's intentions are different.  Just remember who you are and who your child is and don't let others cloud that knowledge.  Then practice smiling and nodding at those who feel you are doing it all wrong because you know better.