Faith Confessions

This week I would like to welcome Tara from Faith Confessions to TheNorthForty.  After much prayer and discernment, she has recently begun a new blog to follow her journey of faith, marriage, and motherhood.  I encourage you to head over and check it out.  Here is her introduction to her new journey of accountability:

As a newer mom, 10 months in, I find myself really analyzing who I am as well as who I claim to be.  All of a sudden the person that I am is more important than it ever has been as all my actions are under much observation not only by those around me but by the little guy who now sees me as his #1 mentor.  I am working on handling scrutiny from others including friends and family as a parent but what I was not expecting was the self scrutiny as not only a human but as a Christian.

My faith has always been important to me and the role it played in my life has varied over the last 31 years.  But now as a mother I have chosen to not ignore or downplay the fact that I am a lover, follower, believer, daughter of God.  But with all that being said at the end of the day I find myself reflecting on my behavior, my actions, my words, my attitude all while realizing there are many times that they would not fall under the realm of "godly."  I know I can be and am a better person on days or in many instances.  And I know that I need to turn more over to the Lord and trust in what will be but let me tell you, control is a hard thing to surrender.

I hope that somehow this site will connect me with myself and the person that I believe I am and I hope that my faith, family and those around me will benefit from the changes.  I am so grateful to the community of bloggers and friends who have become part of my life to make me feel comfortable enough to do this.  I think there are many others doing this in their own way on their blogs without spelling it out but I am a list girl and a girl who needs goals so spelling it out is essential to the truth of what I am doing.

I am not saying I need to be perfect.  Nor do I live in disbelief that I will never sin again but what I do know is that if I hold myself to the standard that I do others or that I claim to be then I will become a better follower, child, mother, wife, sister, friend and so on.

While there are so many people who have moms groups, friends, ministers and mentors to hold them accountable, I do not.  We are in the midst of making sure we are comfortable with the church we are attending thus are visiting a few others to confirm our choice.  So I have not joined bible studies or mentor programs.  And don't get me wrong, I will gladly join such activities once we are sure of our place of worship but honestly I think starting here will teach me that it is ok to divulge the truth no matter what.

I hope to hold myself accountable daily.  There will be good days and bad days.  I know there will be times of praise as I identify moments and words of accomplishments but there will also be moments of disgust as I address my downfalls as not only a Christian but as a wife and mother.  The goal is not to change who I am entirely but to understand that daily we give others impressions of ourselves that we often do not live up to.  I would like to make an effort to live up to them.

I am a worrier, a planner.  I will often make rash decisions and leap before I look.  I am hoping that being able to write it out and reflect I can live in faith, I can pray for the truth in our lives.  I am not looking for answers from the Lord as much as love and pride.   I am not wanting to be faultless or sinless because I do not believe that is possible but I do want to live a life that I can look back on and be proud of.

All this being said I hope you join me in my journey of accountability and faith.  It won't always be ups and it won't always be downs but I promise it will always be honest.  And I hope that at least one person feels safe enough and confident enough to share their experiences with me.  So after much prayer and taking the time to be still and listen my journey of accountability begins.