Honor, Remember, Incorporate

There is an indescribable emotion that is present the first time a woman sees that second line appear on a pregnancy test. Whether the pregnancy was planned or unexpected, a raw flood of amazement overtakes the new mother's body accompanied with fear, uncertainty and overwhelming joy. It is the first moment you are no longer yourself. You are now a being who literally holds the life of another within you.

But much like everything in our lives, only so much of this gift is within our power. Circumstances known and unknown can drastically effect that fragile angel God has placed in your womb. This became all too apparent with my first pregnancy almost seven years ago. Though the pregnancy was very unexpected, my husband and I were elated. We quickly became engulfed in the guessing and planning of everything that was to follow. Would it be a boy or a girl? How will we rearrange our work schedules? Where should we put the crib?

That emotion crashed quickly around me in a cold, lonely bathroom stall of Walmart. I knew right away what had happened and my stomach sank hard.

The days that followed were agonizing. My body cramped and ached. My soul wept and anguished. I spent every moment picturing this tiny life not able to sustain itself. Myself, its mother, helpless and unable to hold or comfort my baby. I felt empty. I felt like I had failed. I felt as though the pride of my womanhood had been stripped from me and I was left alone and broken to rebuild my existence.

Millions of women experience a loss just like mine. They experience the physical pain and the emotional hollowness. They feel all too strongly the loneliness and humiliation of failure as a woman. They feel as though there is no where to turn.

No matter what your individual story, a miscarriage can be a very trying time in your life where you struggle to regain your purpose as a woman and mother and to move forward. Though you may not be able to talk to anyone about your experiences, know that there are so many women who understand and relate to your loss.

The following are wonderful resources to help you through the grieving process no matter how recent your loss:

• Forever Our Angels by Hannah Stone (Book)
• Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss by Amy Abbey (Book)
• Miscarriage Support (Support Website)
• Healing Hearts: Baby Loss Comfort (Support Website)

"The reality is that we don't forget, move on, and have closure, but rather we honor, we remember, and incorporate our deceased children and siblings into our lives in a new way."
~ Harriet Schiff, author of The Bereaved Parent

Tomorrow is the release of EC Stilson's The Golden Sky, the journal of her son's life. Please check out her blog at EC Writes as she celebrates her son's birthday through the release of her book, a giveaway for an iPad2 or $500.00 cash, and The Golden Sky Blogfest!